A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan:

"Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself:

"Damn, she doesn't work for Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again,

"Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."

This time the woman turned on him, "What the f *** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh, Ryanair"

Protest 1

Sakura sky

Paul

Cycling with an attitude

Rear entrance

Don't think when you vote

Something red for the New Year

CCTV watching you

The Go Burglar

Two friends who were addicted to go and were pretty evenly matched used to play every night until very late at the home of one of them, so wrapped up in their games that they were oblivious to everything but the board. Needless to say, this was a great nuisance to their families. But the worst part of it was their habit of pipe-smoking. They were always spilling hot ash, you see, and burning holes in the straw mats as they absent-mindedly lit their pipes from the live coal in the tobacco tray.

Their wives kept scolding them about this until finally they had to quit playing altogether. But they couldn't keep from thinking about it and wishing they could find some way to play again. Then one evening they hit upon a plan.

Let's just stop smoking while we're actually playing! We'll go outside and have a pipe after each game!

Brilliant idea, no doubt -- but of course they forget all about it as soon as they get well into their next game and start fiddling with their pipes. After a while one of them notices something.

Oy! he calls out. There's no coal in the tobacco tray!

The wife thinks to herself, If I put a coal in the tray they'll start burning holes in the tatami all over again. I'll find something red and put that in instead.

So from the kitchen she brings a small red vegetable called a snake-gourd and carefully pokes it down into the ashes of the tobacco tray, where it looks for all the world just like a bit of burning coal. The two men don't notice a thing, and so after a while the wife goes to bed, thinking she has nothing more to worry about.

On and on the two friends play, frowning and muttering at the board, and sucking away contentedly at their pipes just like old times.

Later that night a burglar sneaks into the back of the house. He stealthily fills a bag with everything he can get his hands on and hoists it over his shoulder. Just as he is about to take off he hears the click of a go stone.

What can I tell you? The burglar is a go player too. When that sound comes to his ears it arouses an irresistible curiosity. With the bag still slung over his shoulder he tiptoes toward the room where the two friends are playing, and peeks in.

At first he just stands there, watching. But then he moves slowly closer, bit by bit, until he's right beside them. One player is about to make a move. The burglar simply can't control himself.

No, no! he exclaims, putting down his bag. You ought to play over there, on that side! A typical kibitzer's remark.

The two players are studying the board. One of them says, a little crossly, Onlookers are supposed to keep quiet. This happens to be a crucial moment in the game. He glances up briefly. Who might you be, anyway? And click goes a stone onto the board.

All three study the move. It's a tense moment.

A burglar, comes the reply. Silence, then another click.

Hmm. Yes. . . Click. Well, make yourself comfortable . . .

I wonder what's on TV now